you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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