Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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