And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize