There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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