you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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