I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dick very happy bro
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
