I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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