you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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