I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
