Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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