We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
