His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
