someone get that fucking seahorse.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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