last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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