But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
