There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
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