She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
