So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
