Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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