You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
