In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
