I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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