Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
