Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
