HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize