You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
