Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
