she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
