I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
