do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
