so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
