Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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