who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
