I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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