I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
