I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
