I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
