you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
