First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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