Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I deserve this hangover.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
