when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
