I wanna passion pit in your ass
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
