I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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