i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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