Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
