There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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