She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
