i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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