Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
