Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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