You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
