this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
