I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
