I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
