She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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