She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
