flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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