Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
