I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Drunk is not a location!
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
