Pappa wants mamma naked
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you traded sex for a burrito?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
