Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
as a side note pls kill me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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