Will you blow on my dice?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
