This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
