and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
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