I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
