So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I touched a dick in church today
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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