3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
