I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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