Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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