It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
