Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
