And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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