barbara walters just said penis...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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