Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
