Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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