Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
