I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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