He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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