You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
