need another drink. this is the easiest way
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
