I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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