Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
