Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Lo siento on account of my penis...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
