The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
