Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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