she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
is it fun? or sober?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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