dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
