went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
