Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
