I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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