Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
you had me at cake vodka
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
