The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
