Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she peed on how many people?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
