oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
