In America we eat man semen.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
