all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
